bobbie dougherty! (ex_boltofblu519) wrote in uglymathfreaks,
bobbie dougherty!

You've probably all heard this one already, but I couldn't resist...At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later discovered to be a secondary school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and acalculator. At an afternoon press conference, Attorney General John Ashworth said he believes the man is a member of the notorious international gang of terrorists known as Al-Gebra, and said the man is being charged with attempting to carry Weapons of Math Destruction on board an airplane.

"Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult" Ashcroft said. They desire nothing short of average solutions by any means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "X" and "Y", and refer to themselves as " the Unknowns", but our unintelligent services have determined they have a common denominator with the Axis of Hypotenuse with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "there are three sides to every triangle" Ashcroft declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said; "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of Math destruction he would have given us more fingers and toes".

The President went on to state: Al-Gebra is the worst terrorist organization in the universe, but I am grateful that the Creator has given us a sine that he is on our side, and will protract us from the Math-dogs who are willing to dis-integrate us with calculus disregard for human destiny. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of our existence". The President added: "Under the circumference, we must be vigilant to differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line." President Bush warned: " These weapons of Math destruction have the potential to decimal everything on a scale never before seen, unless we factor in random factors and exponentials of higher power.

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great and Fearless Leader would say; Read my ellipse. Though they continue to add and multiply, we will divide them and subtract them from the face of the earth, and forever free the world from their weapons of Math destruction.
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